Not Available
Acolyte
You were deep in the California desert in the old blue Buick, traveling back to the city with your parents. Daddy was driving. They talked and laughed about something they saw on the road. After a couple of hours, the browns of the desert sand became the greens of bushes and trees, and you knew you were getting closer to home.
You asked Mommy ?How long until we get home?? and she turned. She frowned a little and scrunched her eyebrows. She looked mad. She said ?You?d better not ask me that again, or I may do something bad to you.? and smiled. You didn?t understand, but wanted to do what Mommy told you to do; you quieted down and held all your questions about Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Bert.
You?d been visiting Uncle Bert after not seeing him for years. Daddy and Mommy usually didn?t have anything good to say about Uncle Bert, but after that call Daddy had with him a couple of weeks ago, your family headed out to visit him. Daddy looked funny after the call, like he was in pain.
The town Uncle Bert lived in was called Yucca Valley. That was funny; you thought it should have been called ?yucky valley? because it was so hot and dry, and there were no fun things to do.
Uncle Bert?s patio reflected the heat of the afternoon sun. Uncle Bert was drinking a thick brown liquid in a tall glass. Mommy and Daddy were drinking beers that had skeletons on the dark bottles, while you sat sipping on a can of Sprite through a straw.
You liked Uncle Bert?s patio; it was dirty but inviting. The old plastic table, the torn umbrella, and the wrought iron deck chairs, reminded you of swap meets you?d gone to with your Daddy. Uncle Bert had a small pool that was dirty and covered with leaves.
They started smoking a cigarette that Uncle Bert rolled himself. He looked at you with a wide smile and said the tobacco was cheaper if you rolled it yourself. You believed him because he was a grownup, and why would a grownup lie?
They smoked the cigarette. It burned your nose because it smelled so bad. You wrinkled your face and said ?Yuck!? Then you noticed a fuzzy feeling. You felt like taking a nap. You looked at Mommy and asked if you could go inside.
?No, you can?t go inside because we?re going inside. You stay out here, understand?? That last word was punctuated with anger; you wondered what was wrong with Mommy. As they walked away, Daddy kissed Mommy?s ear and put his tongue in it. Then he put his hand on her butt as he opened the sliding glass door.
Uncle Bert waited until Mommy and Daddy were inside. He got out of his deck chair, circled the table and kneeled in front of you. He put his fleshy, red face right in front of yours and asked you if you liked toys. You said, ?Oh sure, I love toys Uncle Bert. I got a bunch of ?em back at our house.? but you felt a little scared, because Uncle Bert?s face was so big, and his breath smelled so bad, like seaweed and onions.
Uncle Bert winked. ?I?ve got some toys too. You wanna see ?em?? and Uncle Bert grinned at you. He took your hand and you stood, because you thought it?d be rude to stay seated, to resist Uncle Bert?s request.
He had a plastic shed near the pool. It was brown, like the sand. There was a combination lock holding the door shut. Uncle Bert looked at you, winked, and spun the lock back and forth. He opened the door and stepped in, pulling you in with him.
The shed was hot and dim. It was hard to breathe. You looked around and saw that there were a bunch of gray, plastic shelves that had all kinds of colorful plastic and glass things on them. Most of them were cylinders with hoses and valves on the outside, a few were smaller glass items that looked like sculptures you?d see in a museum. In a back corner, nesting on the second shelf up, you could see a huge black widow spider in a web crusted with dead things. It scared you a little, because Mommy told you the black spiders could bite and hurt you, and to be careful of them.
Uncle Bert moved to the corner, ignoring the spider. He shuffled through some of the long, colorful pieces of glass and picked up a black thing. It was hard to tell what it actually was, the surface was shiny, like an oil slick. As Uncle Bert brought it closer, You noticed that it looked like a monster, but not a movie monster, like Frankenstein or the Mummy. This thing was tall and slender, covered in tentacles, hair and fangs. It was the scariest thing you?d ever seen, and Uncle Bert held it out, like he was going to give it to you.
?What do you think?? Uncle Bert asked you.
You felt queasy, like you were going to puke. The thing felt as hot as the sun, radiating warmth. A cloudy blackness seemed to come out of it like tendrils. It must have been your vision, clouded by the heat. You felt faint and had to grab the door to hold you up.
?I made this just for you.?
You panicked. You never wanted to run more in your life, but you didn?t want to get in trouble and you didn?t want to make Mommy and Daddy mad at you. They were nice people, and hadn?t hit you ever, but you didn?t want to find out what their anger was like.
So you asked Uncle Bert if you could go. You were fading fast, and sinking to your knees; Uncle Bert held the thing closer to your face.
?We?re leaving.? Mommy?s voice sounded shrill and distant. But you were starting to come around, starting to wake up.
?Before you go, I need to whisper something to you.? Uncle Bert knelt before you and whispered; you still felt weird and didn?t comprehend a lot of what Uncle Bert was saying. Suddenly Mommy grabbed your wrist.
?Come on, lazy bones!? Mommy dragged you out of the shed and toward the car.
You remembered that black thing as you drove home; it scared you, and the thought of it filled your mind with darkness. The car finally hit the Newberg city line. And when the houses began looking neater and neater, you felt better and relaxed. You were sure that Uncle Bert just had some strange toys and wanted to play with you because he didn?t have any kids.
And you remembered something that Uncle Bert whispered to you just before you left, foggy at first, but slowly taking shape:
?When you sink and you?re drowning, it?s the bitch that drove you there that should die.?
And you didn?t understand, but repeated softly, ?The bitch that drove you there.?
?What did you say?? Mommy whirled around.
?What?? you asked her.
?Take the wheel.? Daddy said. Mommy grabbed the wheel and steered down the freeway as your father turned to you, his face angry red.
?You?re going down kid. That?s the last time you?re going to disrespect your mother.? He slapped you. ?That?ll teach you, you little brat!? He slapped you again. ?There,? slap ?get that damn you!? slap.
You?re face was bruised and stung badly. There was a warm, wet feeling in your mouth and you used your tongue to feel your cut and bleeding cheek. You cried and held your hands to your face, looking through your fingers at your Daddy. His angry stare came at you like fire. Mommy winked at him and he returned to driving.
?You just wait until you get home.? Mommy said. ?You just wait.?
And when they got home they didn?t even unpack. Mommy and Daddy each took one of your wrists and dragged you into the house; you yelled and cried. They dragged you through the living room, your feet trailing a dark wake on the carpet. They dragged you into the bathroom and stood you in front of the sink.
Daddy picked up the rinsing glass and held it up, examining it. There was some dirt and a dead fly at the bottom of the cup. He blew in it and the fly flew up into your face and fell to the floor. ?Start the water.?
?You know it, lover.?
Mommy turned on the water. It sounded scarier than anything you?d ever heard. Why? It was just water. Or was it something else, something that Mommy and Daddy had become that was so different from before they all went to Uncle Bert?s house. Mommy and Daddy had yelled at you before, but never with this much anger and violence. Did Uncle Bert do something to them? You wondered all this and fought the impulse to break free and run out of the house.
Daddy grabbed you around your chest as Mommy tested the water. She made sure it was hot enough to burn, but not to scald. She held your mouth open, putting her fingers over your lower teeth and tongue and pulling down. You screamed in protest; you begged them as best you could, with Mommy?s hand in your mouth, for them to stop, to leave you alone. But none of this worked. Daddy held you even tighter.
You wriggled. You tried to get away, but you couldn?t. Mommy filled the rinsing glass with water and threw it in your face. The water was so hot; you screamed, but it was hard with Mommy?s hand in there. She wiped some of the water away from your eyes then filled the glass again. She looked at Daddy and nodded.
He tilted your head back; you fought in vain, but he was too big and strong.
?You get it.? Mommy said.
She let go of your mouth, but Daddy quickly took your chin in his hand and opened your mouth. You tried to close it but couldn?t. Mommy swirled the steaming water around in the glass and then slowly poured it into your mouth. You bubbled and gagged, tried to push the water out. It spilled over your lips in a hot flow and got all over your shirt.
Mommy?s face turned red and her lips pulled back in a snarl. She slapped you once then grabbed your head between her hands and shook it as she spoke.
?If you do that again you?ll regret it. You don?t even want to know what I?ll do to you.?
Mommy filled the glass again and poured. The heat stung your mouth and the wounds from your Daddy?s slaps were throbbing. The pain was so real and intense. You held the water in your mouth, not wanting to find out what Mommy had planned for you if you were bad.
She picked up the soap and lathered it up. The suds were soon so thick that you couldn?t even see Mommy?s fingers. She shoved the soap bar in your mouth and pulled her hand out, scraping the suds along your teeth. She closed your mouth.
As the soap choked you, gagged you, all you could do was hum, crazily, trying to get Mommy to let you spit the soap out. The taste stung your tongue, choking up your sinuses, through your nostrils. You wondered if Mommy would let you go, or if this would go on forever.
Daddy started moving your jaw up and down. You could feel your teeth cutting the soft bar, which tasted so foul. You cried; your face soon red with tears and fear. Daddy was moving your mouth more and more violently. Water and soap chunks were spilling out.
Daddy finally let go of your mouth and scraped the soap out. Mommy and Daddy took your wrists and dragged you down the hallway to your bedroom. Mommy threw you in the bedroom and shut the door. She didn?t even leave you with any water. Your mouth was filled with soap suds; your eyes were filled with tears. You wondered what could have happened to them.
?Please Mommy, let me have some water.?
?Never!?
You laid down on your bed, with the Star Wars characters on the bedspread, and the black figure that Uncle Bert showed you appeared in your mind; shadows spread from it like ink from an octopus.
All you could hear outside your door was rustling, like Mommy and Daddy were running up and down the hall, then you heard a thump, like someone fell. They began grunting and moaning, a sick sound that made you cover your ears.
Your door opened; you were hopeful that Mommy and Daddy had come to apologize to you, but they hadn?t. Mommy must have been lying on the floor. Her hand appeared near the bottom of the door. She was holding a paper bag. She tossed the bag in with a flick of her wrist and shut the door.
Water ? maybe. You ran over to the bag, hoping. You opened it, and then dropped it as waves of nausea crept over you. As the bag fell, its contents spilled onto the carpet, rolling to your feet.
The shiny black figure stared up at you, and you could swear it was grinning.
? end ?
fullerton
california
july 2002
You asked Mommy ?How long until we get home?? and she turned. She frowned a little and scrunched her eyebrows. She looked mad. She said ?You?d better not ask me that again, or I may do something bad to you.? and smiled. You didn?t understand, but wanted to do what Mommy told you to do; you quieted down and held all your questions about Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Bert.
You?d been visiting Uncle Bert after not seeing him for years. Daddy and Mommy usually didn?t have anything good to say about Uncle Bert, but after that call Daddy had with him a couple of weeks ago, your family headed out to visit him. Daddy looked funny after the call, like he was in pain.
The town Uncle Bert lived in was called Yucca Valley. That was funny; you thought it should have been called ?yucky valley? because it was so hot and dry, and there were no fun things to do.
Uncle Bert?s patio reflected the heat of the afternoon sun. Uncle Bert was drinking a thick brown liquid in a tall glass. Mommy and Daddy were drinking beers that had skeletons on the dark bottles, while you sat sipping on a can of Sprite through a straw.
You liked Uncle Bert?s patio; it was dirty but inviting. The old plastic table, the torn umbrella, and the wrought iron deck chairs, reminded you of swap meets you?d gone to with your Daddy. Uncle Bert had a small pool that was dirty and covered with leaves.
They started smoking a cigarette that Uncle Bert rolled himself. He looked at you with a wide smile and said the tobacco was cheaper if you rolled it yourself. You believed him because he was a grownup, and why would a grownup lie?
They smoked the cigarette. It burned your nose because it smelled so bad. You wrinkled your face and said ?Yuck!? Then you noticed a fuzzy feeling. You felt like taking a nap. You looked at Mommy and asked if you could go inside.
?No, you can?t go inside because we?re going inside. You stay out here, understand?? That last word was punctuated with anger; you wondered what was wrong with Mommy. As they walked away, Daddy kissed Mommy?s ear and put his tongue in it. Then he put his hand on her butt as he opened the sliding glass door.
Uncle Bert waited until Mommy and Daddy were inside. He got out of his deck chair, circled the table and kneeled in front of you. He put his fleshy, red face right in front of yours and asked you if you liked toys. You said, ?Oh sure, I love toys Uncle Bert. I got a bunch of ?em back at our house.? but you felt a little scared, because Uncle Bert?s face was so big, and his breath smelled so bad, like seaweed and onions.
Uncle Bert winked. ?I?ve got some toys too. You wanna see ?em?? and Uncle Bert grinned at you. He took your hand and you stood, because you thought it?d be rude to stay seated, to resist Uncle Bert?s request.
He had a plastic shed near the pool. It was brown, like the sand. There was a combination lock holding the door shut. Uncle Bert looked at you, winked, and spun the lock back and forth. He opened the door and stepped in, pulling you in with him.
The shed was hot and dim. It was hard to breathe. You looked around and saw that there were a bunch of gray, plastic shelves that had all kinds of colorful plastic and glass things on them. Most of them were cylinders with hoses and valves on the outside, a few were smaller glass items that looked like sculptures you?d see in a museum. In a back corner, nesting on the second shelf up, you could see a huge black widow spider in a web crusted with dead things. It scared you a little, because Mommy told you the black spiders could bite and hurt you, and to be careful of them.
Uncle Bert moved to the corner, ignoring the spider. He shuffled through some of the long, colorful pieces of glass and picked up a black thing. It was hard to tell what it actually was, the surface was shiny, like an oil slick. As Uncle Bert brought it closer, You noticed that it looked like a monster, but not a movie monster, like Frankenstein or the Mummy. This thing was tall and slender, covered in tentacles, hair and fangs. It was the scariest thing you?d ever seen, and Uncle Bert held it out, like he was going to give it to you.
?What do you think?? Uncle Bert asked you.
You felt queasy, like you were going to puke. The thing felt as hot as the sun, radiating warmth. A cloudy blackness seemed to come out of it like tendrils. It must have been your vision, clouded by the heat. You felt faint and had to grab the door to hold you up.
?I made this just for you.?
You panicked. You never wanted to run more in your life, but you didn?t want to get in trouble and you didn?t want to make Mommy and Daddy mad at you. They were nice people, and hadn?t hit you ever, but you didn?t want to find out what their anger was like.
So you asked Uncle Bert if you could go. You were fading fast, and sinking to your knees; Uncle Bert held the thing closer to your face.
?We?re leaving.? Mommy?s voice sounded shrill and distant. But you were starting to come around, starting to wake up.
?Before you go, I need to whisper something to you.? Uncle Bert knelt before you and whispered; you still felt weird and didn?t comprehend a lot of what Uncle Bert was saying. Suddenly Mommy grabbed your wrist.
?Come on, lazy bones!? Mommy dragged you out of the shed and toward the car.
You remembered that black thing as you drove home; it scared you, and the thought of it filled your mind with darkness. The car finally hit the Newberg city line. And when the houses began looking neater and neater, you felt better and relaxed. You were sure that Uncle Bert just had some strange toys and wanted to play with you because he didn?t have any kids.
And you remembered something that Uncle Bert whispered to you just before you left, foggy at first, but slowly taking shape:
?When you sink and you?re drowning, it?s the bitch that drove you there that should die.?
And you didn?t understand, but repeated softly, ?The bitch that drove you there.?
?What did you say?? Mommy whirled around.
?What?? you asked her.
?Take the wheel.? Daddy said. Mommy grabbed the wheel and steered down the freeway as your father turned to you, his face angry red.
?You?re going down kid. That?s the last time you?re going to disrespect your mother.? He slapped you. ?That?ll teach you, you little brat!? He slapped you again. ?There,? slap ?get that damn you!? slap.
You?re face was bruised and stung badly. There was a warm, wet feeling in your mouth and you used your tongue to feel your cut and bleeding cheek. You cried and held your hands to your face, looking through your fingers at your Daddy. His angry stare came at you like fire. Mommy winked at him and he returned to driving.
?You just wait until you get home.? Mommy said. ?You just wait.?
And when they got home they didn?t even unpack. Mommy and Daddy each took one of your wrists and dragged you into the house; you yelled and cried. They dragged you through the living room, your feet trailing a dark wake on the carpet. They dragged you into the bathroom and stood you in front of the sink.
Daddy picked up the rinsing glass and held it up, examining it. There was some dirt and a dead fly at the bottom of the cup. He blew in it and the fly flew up into your face and fell to the floor. ?Start the water.?
?You know it, lover.?
Mommy turned on the water. It sounded scarier than anything you?d ever heard. Why? It was just water. Or was it something else, something that Mommy and Daddy had become that was so different from before they all went to Uncle Bert?s house. Mommy and Daddy had yelled at you before, but never with this much anger and violence. Did Uncle Bert do something to them? You wondered all this and fought the impulse to break free and run out of the house.
Daddy grabbed you around your chest as Mommy tested the water. She made sure it was hot enough to burn, but not to scald. She held your mouth open, putting her fingers over your lower teeth and tongue and pulling down. You screamed in protest; you begged them as best you could, with Mommy?s hand in your mouth, for them to stop, to leave you alone. But none of this worked. Daddy held you even tighter.
You wriggled. You tried to get away, but you couldn?t. Mommy filled the rinsing glass with water and threw it in your face. The water was so hot; you screamed, but it was hard with Mommy?s hand in there. She wiped some of the water away from your eyes then filled the glass again. She looked at Daddy and nodded.
He tilted your head back; you fought in vain, but he was too big and strong.
?You get it.? Mommy said.
She let go of your mouth, but Daddy quickly took your chin in his hand and opened your mouth. You tried to close it but couldn?t. Mommy swirled the steaming water around in the glass and then slowly poured it into your mouth. You bubbled and gagged, tried to push the water out. It spilled over your lips in a hot flow and got all over your shirt.
Mommy?s face turned red and her lips pulled back in a snarl. She slapped you once then grabbed your head between her hands and shook it as she spoke.
?If you do that again you?ll regret it. You don?t even want to know what I?ll do to you.?
Mommy filled the glass again and poured. The heat stung your mouth and the wounds from your Daddy?s slaps were throbbing. The pain was so real and intense. You held the water in your mouth, not wanting to find out what Mommy had planned for you if you were bad.
She picked up the soap and lathered it up. The suds were soon so thick that you couldn?t even see Mommy?s fingers. She shoved the soap bar in your mouth and pulled her hand out, scraping the suds along your teeth. She closed your mouth.
As the soap choked you, gagged you, all you could do was hum, crazily, trying to get Mommy to let you spit the soap out. The taste stung your tongue, choking up your sinuses, through your nostrils. You wondered if Mommy would let you go, or if this would go on forever.
Daddy started moving your jaw up and down. You could feel your teeth cutting the soft bar, which tasted so foul. You cried; your face soon red with tears and fear. Daddy was moving your mouth more and more violently. Water and soap chunks were spilling out.
Daddy finally let go of your mouth and scraped the soap out. Mommy and Daddy took your wrists and dragged you down the hallway to your bedroom. Mommy threw you in the bedroom and shut the door. She didn?t even leave you with any water. Your mouth was filled with soap suds; your eyes were filled with tears. You wondered what could have happened to them.
?Please Mommy, let me have some water.?
?Never!?
You laid down on your bed, with the Star Wars characters on the bedspread, and the black figure that Uncle Bert showed you appeared in your mind; shadows spread from it like ink from an octopus.
All you could hear outside your door was rustling, like Mommy and Daddy were running up and down the hall, then you heard a thump, like someone fell. They began grunting and moaning, a sick sound that made you cover your ears.
Your door opened; you were hopeful that Mommy and Daddy had come to apologize to you, but they hadn?t. Mommy must have been lying on the floor. Her hand appeared near the bottom of the door. She was holding a paper bag. She tossed the bag in with a flick of her wrist and shut the door.
Water ? maybe. You ran over to the bag, hoping. You opened it, and then dropped it as waves of nausea crept over you. As the bag fell, its contents spilled onto the carpet, rolling to your feet.
The shiny black figure stared up at you, and you could swear it was grinning.
? end ?
fullerton
california
july 2002