Re: Who Are You?
 

I am the recluse who wants to spend this quiet last day of this wonderful and rewarding year here at TLO. I am an old man who has just read the Ligotti interviews, the results of which have left me extremely depressed. That such a magnificent writer, whose fiction has given intense joy to so many, should see the process of writing as such an awful thing -- this seriously saddens me. I am the weird Lovecraftian writer who loves the act of writing, who needs the act of writing because without it he becomes bored, sad and suicidal. There is no moment more magical than when I have completed the final draft of a new story and hold that polish manuscript in my hand. Nothing compares. I am the Lovecraftian weird author who is obsessed with writing as an art form rather than a source of entertainment. I am the author who has a love/hate relationship with almost everything he composes. I want so badly to be mature and original as an author of Lovecraftian weird fiction; and yet I rarely feel that I have written anything very original or mature. I am the horror author who scolds himself when writing, and yet cannot stop himself from writing the thing that feeds his shame. When I was writing "An Eidolon of Nothing," and I had a scene wherein an evil wizard meets the daemon of his creation, I told myself, "Girlfriend, you're not seriously gonna have a talking dog-daemon in the story -- stop now -- don't be a moron." But I couldn't stop myself, and the talking dog-daemon was -- is--victorious. I am the old freak for whom the art of literature means everything. I like that my fiction gives people pleasure and entertains them; but my prose style is a deep-rooted attempt to be arty and poetic and "literary up the ass". The paradox is that I feel I'm too ignorant to acheive my literary goals. I am the lover of literature who digs the fiction of Thomas Ligotti because I see him as the literary artist par excellence of weird fiction, however much he may protest such a title. Or maybe he doesn't protest at all. I am an author who has almost nothing in common with Tom Ligotti, and yet I feel some odd personal connection with him, to him, that baffles and beguiles me.

Re: Who Are You?
 

Thanks. I'm in tune with a lot of that - but Lovecraft plus -and indeed, I don't think one can negotiate 'The Intentional Fallacy' towards the truth of any writer, especially Ligotti (as I think you are implying).
df lewis

Re: Who Are You?
 

Even (or especially?) oneself! :)

(relevant to a thread entitled 'Who Are You?')?

Re: Who Are You?
 

Hello,

I thought this would be the most appropriate starting point for me, been lurking here for some time now.

I'm Eemeli, a high-school student from Finland, mainly concentrated in studying chemistry. I discovered Ligotti some year ago, but it's about six months since I began reading his works, first Teatro Grottesco, then MWINYD, both are Virgin Books releases. I was especially fascinated by 'The Shadow, The Darkness'.
I started reading weird fiction/horror with Lovecraft, also my shelf contains 'the King in Yellow', which in my opionion contains few pretty good pieces. I'm discovering more and more all of the time, so there's pretty much to read at the time.

I'm fond of cats. I like tentacles.

I fear cold, -20 celsius degrees is horrible, the real horror is when it's -30 and -40.

Right now it's -13 and horrible blasting wind.

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome Eemeli!I'm sure you'll find some great stuff in here!

Enjoy your stay

A.

Re: Who Are You?
 

I do, too. I have a wall-mounted shelf which serves as a shrine to octopi and squid memorabilia in my workplace office.

"Squiffy" following "squid" in my dictionary,
Phil :drunk:

Re: Who Are You?
 

this is mine....

https://id261.securedata.net/necroma.../full_z258.gif

oh and of course this, too...

http://www.lovecraft.ru/illustration...z_big_prof.jpg

Re: Who Are You?
 

I guess this is where I introduce myself? My name is Rafael and I live in Oregon. I am currently attending Film school, and expect to graduate in about a year or so. My experience in Film so far as personal works goes has been mainly in the "Experimental" category.

There was a time when I thought I was going insane, and after reading some of Ligotti's works, I can say that I think I know what it's like to live a Ligottian nightmare. You see, I, about three years ago came to the realization that I had been living with what is known as Depersonalization/Derealization disorder.

The experience of this disorder is likened to the moment before a car crash or upon hearing some great tragedy. Time slows down. Things become hyper real. It is as if some sort of strange wind blows and pushes you out behind your body. My lips go numb. Some call it "Alice in Wonderland disease". You will talk and interact with people fine, but you don't feel as if you are the one doing it. You feel like you have suddenly awoken to find that you are actually an automaton.

It was always present to some degree, but it was always worst at work. I make people coffee for a living. At the time I was working at a Starbucks in a Safeway, and I was the manager. Anxiety is a trigger. It was a horrible self feeding hallucination, as just the fear of it happening would in turn cause it to happen.

I would go home to my studio apartment alone and feverishly plow through physics books and religious texts. I was consumed by the depth of the universe and couldn't understand why no one else made it a priority to seek the same answers. Existence was indeed horror.

I'm using past tense because about two years ago I started to train my mind through meditation practices and have almost gained complete control over the episodes. They can still happen mind you, but when they do I can usually reverse them unless it is in the most stressful of situations.

I recently picked up a copy of Teatro Grottesco and read The Clown Puppet. It definitely struck a chord. Obviously there was never any marrionettes in my episodes, but it kind of felt the same. I wonder if he has had similar experiences or perhaps some mental ailment?

I haven't looked back since. I love Ligotti's works, and can't wait to read more.

Sorry for the verbosness!

-Rafael

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome, Rafael. Please contribute more to the abundant riches here at TLO.

Re: Who Are You?
 

Hi,
My name is Mike Aronovitz. I have a new book out, a collection of short stories and novellas, available on Amazon. It is titled "Seven Deadly Pleasures, put out by Hippocampus Press. My editor was renowned critic and Lovecraft biographer S.T. Joshi, and he wrote my foreword. I am sending out this message to welcome you to pick up a copy, write a review on Amazon, and talk to me!
Mike