Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome, nightflight! Enjoy your stay!

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome to TLO, Nightflight! Ligotti is a master of horror and you are in for treat! Enjoy!

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome nightflight. You are indeed in for a treat with Thomas Ligotti's work. "Teatro Grottesco" is an excellent book & was my first introduction to his writing. After that you'll be craving more!

You mention that you're also new to horror. There are so many strange, dark treats awaiting you in these shadowy corridors ;)

This is a great site to find other authors and works too in which to further your descent into the weirdness.

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome as well nightflight!

This is a great site to get information on both current works on horror/weird fiction (e.g., what a contemporary writer is coming out with next) and classics (e.g., great discussion on the works of Robert Aickman).
I personally started with two books which helped me a great deal. Stephen Jones and Kim Newman edited two books called (1) "Horror: The 100 Best Books" and (2) "Horror: Another 100 Best Books". Ligotti is actually mentioned in the second one. It is a great resource particularly for the "canon" of horror literature (e.g., Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House"). Unfortunately both books are out of print but there are two websites that have links to the list of books

100 Best Horror Books
JONES AND NEWMAN'S 100 BEST HORROR STORIES

Another 100 Best Horror
Stephen Jones: Horror: Another 100 Best Books (2005)

Both books really helped me to establish my own personal aesthetic (or lack thereof as some might argue) to the genre. Based on what you said your interests are, I believe you found the right writers to begin with. Cardin is an incredibly adept writer and his focus on spiritual/religious elements is one of the best I've ever seen. I would argue Ligotti achieves a similar effect but for different reasons. In a similar vein, H. P. Lovecraft's work looks right up your alley (and perhaps you've already found your way to him). I'm rereading his works through the Barnes and Nobles omnibus edition they rereleased (the first one had tons of typos and textual errors). Not through it yet but so far it looks typo free (and it's pretty cheap). I'd also recommend the recent anthology "The Weird" edited by Ann and Jeff Vandermeer. The British edition may be out of print but an American reprint is coming soon. "The Year's Best Horror Series" is always a good one to pick up not only for the stories but for the first section where they review the entire year (from horror novels to horror comics and websites). Ellen Datlow currently is the editor and is probably one of the finest editors of strange fiction to ever grace the printed page.

One thing I wished I had found earlier was (for lack of a better term) "horror poetry". All of Poe and Lovecraft's poems fall in this realm (and Ligotti has some amazingly strong pieces himself, "I Have a Special Plan for This World" being, in my opinion, the strongest). I haven't found a resource (i.e., a book) to guide me and depend strongly on this site for rec's.

Lastly, and I apologize for the intrusion, but I can't help but give some personal favorites. Simon Strantzas is an amazing writer (and his newest book "Nightingale Songs" is perhaps his best collection yet (I didn't think he could top his previously stellar performances). I have a soft spot (or strange spot as the case may be) for anything by Robert Aickman. Tartarus Press relatively recently rereleased some of his collections and though not cheap are well worth the price. (Start with "Sub Rosa" if it's available). Richard Gavin has been called "the poor man's Ligotti" but probably more so because his books (e.g., "Charnel Wine") are monetarily cheaper than some of Ligotti's triple digit price out of print works. In terms of ability, Gavin is at least on par (and with some stories I'm thinking of perhaps better) with the master. Lastly, I just plain enjoy all of Reggie Oliver's works. Not sure if Centipede press still has a copy of his omnibus edition "Drama of the Depths" but it's worth seeking out (and when you see the price, yes it's totally worth the price). For the time being, Tartarus Press just issued a paperback reprint of Mrs. Midnight (which literally sold out faster than ANY book I've ever seen) that's pretty affordable.

I hope that helps and I know other people on the Network have far more knowledge about the genre than I do so if nothing else, I hope this gives at least a tip or two that's helpful. Once again, welcome!

Re: Who Are You?
 

Thanks for the welcome and the suggestions everyone!

Re: Who Are You?
 

As I veered FAR off the topic of this post (but with truly good intentions) I thought I might bring it back to the post topic.

My name is (not to be redundant) Michael. I'm originally from Texas and have moved around a lot in the last few years. I did an undergrad degree in psychology and philosophy (I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed).

I discovered Thomas Ligotti when I was 17. That year was pretty rough overall and his work was perhaps the only good thing I can recall from that year. I had just worked through all the standard heavy hitters (Poe, Hawthorne, Lovecraft, Ramsey Campbell). As I had just devoured Campbell's oeuvre, his rec of "Songs of a Dead Dreamer" resonated with me so I bought "The Nightmare Factory" on my 17th birthday. I read it all in about a weekend. Ligotti is one of only three writers that have truly spoken to me and maybe the only writer who made me feel that I was not losing my mind. When everyone tells you "Stop being so pessimistic", "You're too dark", or (my personal favorite) "Why don't you look at the glass half full?", you start to think you're genuinely crazy and maybe they're right about the Prozac. Ligotti spoke to my soul, telling me, "No, you're not losing your mind, you're awake." In a very real way, Thomas Ligotti kept me sane. He was the second (Lovecraft being the first) person to NOT tell me "Everything will be alright. It's all gonna be sunshine and roses." However, he said it with such beauty and depth that he surpassed even Lovecraft. He spoke to the truth in my essence and I'll always thank him for that.

Re: Who Are You?
 

Glad I was responsible, Michael!

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome too the dark side. The REAL dark side. ;)

Re: Who Are You?
 

Hello, my name is Neal. In some circles I go by thePuck. I am a full-time author and poet, though this is not due so much to commercial success (I have had little) as it is due to a combination of physical and mental illnesses that prevent me from pursuing a "straight" job.

Before my physical illness, which is a degenerative spinal disease requiring regular doses of large amounts of powerful painkillers, anti-inflammatory drugs, and muscle-relaxers, I worked as a freelance programmer and freelance writer, but nowadays I can't make any guarantees or commitments involving deadlines, so that doesn't happen anymore.

I grew up in Victoria, Texas. I was raised by my grandparents, who were the abusive cliche I'm sure everyone is expecting. My biological mother gave me to them as a sort of distraction, which allowed her to get away from them. My grandfather was a typical southern man, bigoted, emotionally withdrawn, and violent. My grandmother was a former debutante from Switzerland who married "an exciting GI" during WWII, which ended with her stuck in Texas, quite to her chagrin. The great benefit of this to me was that she was educated, and had the majority of the western canon on her bookshelves, which I spent my youth reading. She was also an un-medicated schizophrenic who ruled the roost with an iron fist, which meant that her delusions and hallucinations were fed into and corroborated by my grandfather.

My mental and emotional difficulties presented themselves during childhood, and I spent most of my teen years in a series of hospitals, long-term treatment facilities, and youth homes. Right before I turned sixteen I moved in with the bass player of my band (I played guitar before my spinal problems), and, except for helping out a bit at home when my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer (I know, an odd thing to do, but they were the only family I ever had), I was on my own from then on.

I spent a few years homeless, traveling around the country, and ended up in Santa Cruz, California. For a while I was the manager of one occult bookshop, then the other manager and myself left to open our own shop, which is still open to this day. After a few years of that, I left the shop to go back to college, and gained two degrees in philosophy, with honors. During that time period, I also met my wife, who was just as odd as I am, and suffers from her own anxiety disorders, while I suffer from "clinical depression with psychotic features", anxiety, and agoraphobia. When I was younger, the anxiety/agoraphobia was far more manageable, but over the years it become intolerable (which was part of why I had to leave my shop...I was hiding from the customers in the back and my stomach had collapsed from the strain). I have made two suicide attempts, both in my teens.

The reason I am being so forthright about my past is twofold. First, I always find it helpful to get it out of the way early when interacting with new people. It provides an explanation for any oddness or tendencies, and also allows people to decide they just don't want to deal with me. Second, I feel that here, of all places, I am among at least a few kindred spirits.

Normally, I suppose a person would say that Ligotti's work has profoundly affected them. This, however, is not the case. Instead, Ligotti's work has made me aware that the way I see the world, and the insights into its nature that made me a mental patient in my youth and an iconoclast in both the occult and academic worlds as an adult, are shared by at least one other person. My reading of some of the posts on this board have led me to the conclusion that other people have felt similarly.

As to my literary tendencies...my grandmother did not limit my reading artificially as a child, and I had the freedom to read whatever was available in my house. This led to a firm grounding in the classics, but she was also a fan of horror. I learned how to read before my earliest memory, and I remember distinctly being six years old and reading Stephen King's "The Shining" in my bedroom. The chapter with the ghost of the drowned woman coming out of the tub and attacking Danny had a profound impact...and I knew from that time forward that I wanted to write.

My early efforts were, of course, horrible, but I had a couple of poems published in my school paper during high school. Some of my artistic inclinations went towards music, as well, but my band members were not sympathetic to my worldview or aesthetic tastes...they wanted to be the next Metallica, while I wanted to be the next Sonic Youth or Current 93. It didn't work out.

I have a few credits. Two non-fiction pieces on new media are currently annoying college students. A browser-based MMORPG called "Ghostees!", which will probably never launch, commissioned me to formulate their mythos, write their lore, design their classes, and write their quests. And I have short novella, "Dreams of Fire and Glass" which appeared in two parts in the May and June issues of the Lovecraft Ezine.

My literary and artistic influences are Ligotti (of course), Lovecraft, Philip K. Dick, Herman Hesse, Edgar Allan Poe, Yeats, the Romantics, the Counter-Enlightenment movement, the Dadaists, and the Anti-Realist movement.

Though I was most trained in the analytic school, I am most influenced philosophically by the Continental school. I will admit freely that my time in academia was an attempt to take refuge in reason, hence my studies in formal logic and mathematics, but over those years it became clear that no such refuge was to be found. The Phenomenalists, the Existentialists, and most recently, the Speculative Realists have made the most sense to me. I am especially interested in Foucault's work on the subject and psychiatric power, while my own ideas on aesthetics have been most informed by Heidegger's writings on poetry.

My writing style is an attempt to capture what I call "radical subjectivism", a reporting of direct perceptions combined with the reflections of a mind in crisis. This results in a continuum of more realistic works on one end and purely surrealistic works on the other.

While I do suffer from depression and my philosophical stances are similar to Ligotti's own (though formalized differently), I also have a love of the silly and absurd, though my humor often has a sickly and angry edge to it. I consider artistic expression and fiction to be our only possible respite from existence, and tear into my escapism, whether it is movies, television, literature, or music, with a never-ending hunger. This means that I am able to enjoy some things that are "good" or "normal", such as superhero fiction, Star Trek, sword and sorcery fiction, and the general enjoyments of geekdom.

This appreciation, together with the love of my wife and my cat (used to be cats, but I've had two cats die in the last year) make my life not completely unbearable. However, when I am in a severe depressive period, I am very anhedonic, which means I can neither enjoy or be interested in pretty much anything, so these two poles, obsessive interest in whatever geekery I have focused on most recently or anhedonia and a lack of interest in much of anything, condition my experience. I don't really have a "normal" mode...I am either obsessing and devouring everything I can find on a given subject (which is Ligotti right now...I'm re-reading everything and finding new things to read) or suicidally depressed and apathetic towards just about anything.

Unfortunately, I am never really "happy" per se. I am either obsessed with something, which brings pleasure through its relief by feeding it, or severely depressed. My wife, who was once in grad school for psychology before her anxiety and agoraphobia became too severe to continue, thinks my brain simply doesn't know how to produce serotonin properly. I have been attempting to seek medical treatment for this, but believe it or not, there isn't a single psychiatrist in the Bay Area that is taking new patients right now. Thankfully, the pain meds and muscle relaxants help with my anxiety, but I would really like some chemical help with the depression.

So...that's me. Nice to meet everyone.

Re: Who Are You?
 

Welcome, Neal. Believe me, you are more like Ligotti than you think. He's simply one of the funniest people I've ever known, with a keen sense of the absurd.